


Won't Say Goodbye

by a1_kitkat



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Comfort, Episode Related, Episode Tag, Episode: s06e02 JJ, Established Relationship, M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-25
Updated: 2015-01-25
Packaged: 2018-03-09 00:35:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3229559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a1_kitkat/pseuds/a1_kitkat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>JJ is being transferred, she's not happy and neither is the rest of the team. Aaron promises her he'll find a way to bring her back... He makes the same promise to Spencer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Won't Say Goodbye

JJ stepped quietly into Strauss’s office and placed the completed form on her desk. The blonde then turned and walked back through the door, leaving it open behind her. As she walked down the deserted hallway, she blinked back tears. Her footsteps echoed as she moved, each step taking her further and further away from the job she loved and the co-workers that she considered family.

Once she reached the bullpen, she looked up and saw one light still on. JJ moved up the stairs and knocked on the door. She didn’t wait for an answer since it wasn’t closed completely.  
Hotch was still at his desk; he looked up once she entered the room.

“I’m so sorry” Hotch said to her. “For all of this”  
“It’s not your fault” JJ replied. “Why are you still here?”  
“I wanted to be the last to say goodbye… For now”  
“Hotch-”  
“I meant what I said earlier, I’m going to do everything and anything I can to get you back”  
“I know” she smiled. “But some battles just can’t be won”

They both fell silent for a moment.  
“I wasn’t there when…” Hotch began. “How did they all take it?”  
“As you’d expect” she looked into Hotch’s eyes. “Except for Spence”  
“He’ll have been devastated”  
She nodded her head in agreement and blinked back a fresh wave of tears. It would be a long time before she would forget the pain and heartbreak in Spencer’s voice.  
“He was” JJ said. “He went home some time ago, though”  
It was Hotch’s turn to nod his head.  
“He’ll be okay” he assured her. “Probably not for awhile though but he’ll get there”

“You take good care of him, you hear me?” JJ insisted.  
“I promise I will” Hotch replied. “I’m sure he’ll be asleep on the couch when I get home. He doesn’t like when I work back so late…”  
“You should have gone with him. He needs you more than I do tonight”

 

The two agents looked at each other for a moment, both lost in thought. JJ was the only member of the team who knew about Hotch and Reid’s relationship. She was so happy for the two of them and it was a comfort to them knowing that they had one person on the team working on their side. 

“I’ll let you in on a little secret about Spencer” Hotch began. “He’s tougher than he looks… And he’s very resilient… Just one of the many traits about him that I love”  
JJ smiled. It always warmed her heart, hearing Hotch or Reid admit how they felt about each other.  
“He was never very good with change though” she said.

“Did I ever tell you when I first realized my feelings for him were stronger than it was appropriate?” Hotch asked.  
“No” JJ replied, shaking her head.  
He indicated for her to sit down so she did, looking at him with curious eyes.

“It was the day of Henry’s Christening” Hotch confessed. “Reid was dressed in a suit and for the briefest of moments, I didn’t recognize him. I just wasn’t used to seeing him like that…” Hotch laughed. “I didn’t even know he owned a suit”  
“He didn’t” JJ replied, laughing herself. “It was Will’s”  
“I know. He told me… Afterwards, we all went back to your home for the party. Spencer was never big on parties, as you know, probably because he’s never felt comfortable with his social-skills or lack-thereof”  
JJ smiled again, remembering the first (and only) time Spencer had asked her out.  
“Anyway, I went looking for him after it started raining. I found him in the living room, sitting in front of the fireplace with Henry in his arms. And, I won’t lie to you, JJ. The sight actually took my breath away. The room was dark but the light from the fire was… Mesmerizing… I thought he’d fallen asleep so I went to check on him. Honestly, I was afraid he’d nodded off and Henry was going to fall out of his arms… But when I got closer, I realized he’d been awake the whole time. He’d been staring at Henry the whole time, the way his small body was curled up against his chest… When I reached his side, he looked up at me and he had tears in his eyes. He smiled and said to me ‘life is precious, no matter how big or small’. I didn’t know what to say so I just nodded my head”

He stopped. These few moments were forever etched into his mind, he wasn’t sure he was really ready to share them with anyone else.  
“Without thinking, I reached out and touched Spencer’s hair… Then I ran my hand down to rest on his neck and found myself stroking the base of his neck”

Hotch leaned back in his seat and looked at JJ. She was staring at him, the usual twinkle in her eye.  
“If Henry hadn’t woken up, I think I would have kissed Spencer right there and then” Hotch confessed. “But my actions that day cost me a lot. I think Spencer had felt the same thing I had and he knew I’d been about to kiss him… Because he didn’t look at me for nearly a week after”  
“I’m not sure I understand why you’re telling me this” JJ said.  
“Spencer loves you, JJ. But he’s going to have to learn to do his job without you around… And he will learn… Just like he learned how to have a relationship with me”  
“I don’t think it’s such a good comparison, Hotch. Learning to love you, letting me go”  
“Perhaps not but I’ll be there for him while he copes with saying a temporary goodbye to you”

“You need to go home, Hotch” JJ said. “I’m sure he needs you right now”  
“It’s not just hard on him, JJ. We’re all going to miss you and will have a difficult time coping without you”  
“I promise I’ll see you all, all the time… So we don’t all work in the same building anymore. You haven’t lost me, okay?”  
“I know” Hotch nodded.

JJ stood up and said one last farewell to her boss. Hotch stood up as well. It was late and he needed to get home to Spencer.  
“Be sure to give Spence a hug for me” JJ said to him.  
“I will” Hotch assured her.  
“Goodnight, Hotch”  
“And JJ? Good luck”

*****

Half an hour later, Hotch was unlocking the door to his apartment. He pushed the door open and made his way inside, taking care to lock it securely behind him. The older agent moved down the hall and dropped his briefcase beside the couch.  
Spencer was stretched out on said couch, his eyes closed and a book open on his chest. The sight made Hotch smile. He walked over and picked up the book, placing it on the coffee table.

“Aaron?” Spencer’s voice was laced with sleep.  
“Yeah, I’m home” Aaron replied. “Sorry I’m so late”  
“S’Okay. Jack tried to stay up but he fell asleep about half an hour ago”  
“What?”  
Hotch wasn’t sure he’d heard Reid correctly. His son, Jack, wasn’t meant to be there.  
“Jack…” Spencer said as he sat up, rubbing his eyes “Is in his room. I told him you’d wake him when you got home”  
“What’s he doing here?”  
“I made arrangements… After the day we had… Saying goodbye to JJ; I thought that you’d like to see your son tonight. Of course, I didn’t realize how late you’d be staying at the office”  
“I didn’t mean to”  
“I know. You just can’t help yourself sometimes” Spencer was smiling as he spoke so Aaron knew the younger man wasn’t angry with him. “How was she?”  
“Sad but she put on a brave face. I could see right through it though”  
“You can’t fool a profiler”

“Daddy?”  
A small voice interrupted their exchange. Aaron turned and saw his son standing in the doorway. He was rubbing his eyes and looked as tired as Spencer.  
“Hey Jack” Aaron smiled. He moved across the room and scooped Jack up in his arms. His son wrapped his arms around his father’s neck.  
“It’s really late” Jack said to him.  
“I know it is”  
“Spencer let me stay up but I fell asleep”  
“Well I think I better put you back to bed”  
“Will you read me a story? Please?”

Spencer watched as Aaron pretended to think really hard. Jack pleaded with his father until the older man gave in. Spencer remained where he was while Aaron left the room with Jack still in his arms. The young agent made his way into the Kitchen and made himself a cup of coffee. He knew it was late but he also knew that he wouldn’t be sleeping much during the night.

Several minutes later, with a coffee for himself and a cup of tea for Aaron, Spencer walked down the hall to Jack’s room. The door was slightly ajar and he pushed it open. Aaron and Jack were lying together on the bed; Jack snuggled under the covers and pressed up against his father. Aaron was softly reading to his son and holding the book so Jack could see the pictures.  
Spencer smiled. He loved watching Hotch with his son. It was a side of Aaron that no one else got to see. He kept his private life just that, Private. Losing Hayley had almost destroyed him and caused him to become even more guarded with his team mates. No one else at the BAU had ever seen Aaron curled up on his son’s bed, reading him a bed time story.

The younger man moved into the room and placed Aaron’s cup of tea on the table beside the bed. Aaron barely looked up from the book but he smiled his gratitude at his lover.  
“Spencer” Jack interrupted his father.  
“What’s wrong buddy?” Spencer asked.  
“Listen to daddy”  
Jack petted the other side of the bed, indicating for him to join them. Spencer looked at Aaron for a moment then smiled down at Jack. Still holding his coffee, he moved around the bed and slid onto the mattress with Jack and Aaron. It was lucky Jack was so small and Spencer so skinny or the three of them would have found it a tight fit.

Spencer sat with one arm holding his coffee and the other resting on the backboard of the bed. His hand stretched, his finger’s brushing against Aaron’s hair. He didn’t say anything though. He simply sat there, sipping his coffee and listening to Aaron’s voice. He didn’t manage to finish the story before Jack fell back asleep. He started to close the book but Spencer stopped him and asked him to keep reading. The younger man had finished his coffee and closed his eyes, listening as Aaron read the story to him.

Jack didn’t stir once so after Aaron finished reading, the two agents quietly got up being careful not to disturb him. Aaron leaned down and kissed his son goodnight before following Spencer from the room. They both went to the kitchen and Aaron placed their used cups in the sink. Spencer stood by the fridge, watching him. Once Aaron had finished at the sink, he turned and looked at Spencer. He covered the space between them and wrapped his arms around the younger man.

“I’m sorry” Spencer said to him.  
“For what?” Aaron asked.  
“For bringing Jack here. I thought you’d have more time to spend with him. I should have known you would come home late… I… I got his hopes up”  
“Spencer, you did a good thing” Aaron assured him. “I’m the one who should be apologizing”  
“Aaron-”  
“I should have been here. I should have come home sooner and not stayed at the office… Jack or no Jack, I should have been here with you”  
“You stayed for JJ. I understand that, okay?”  
The older man nodded his head but wasn’t going to let it go so easily.

“Come on” Aaron said. “It’s late”  
He removed his hands from Spencer’s waist and reached for the younger agents hands. Once secured, he began to lead him from the room, switching lights off as they went. Seconds later, Spencer found himself in Aaron’s bedroom.

The younger agent stared up at his lover through his long lashes. Aaron reached up and slowly began to unbutton Spencer’s shirt. He leaned forward and softly kissed his young lover. There was a brief hesitation but Aaron was used to that. Despite all they’d been through, all they’d done together, Spencer still got nervous. Aaron broke the kiss but kept about his task, taking care with each button.

“Hotch” Spencer whispered.  
That caused Aaron to stop. Spencer never called him by his last name when they were alone together. Something was wrong with the younger man.  
“Spencer?” Aaron began. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

Reid took a deep breath then shook his head, as though clearing his head. Aaron seriously doubted Spencer was ever able to completely clear his mind of all thoughts. The younger of the two smiled then wrapped his arms around Aaron’s neck. He initiated the next kiss and whimpered when his lover eventually pulled away.

“Are you okay?” Aaron whispered in Spencer’s ear.  
“I’m fine” Spencer replied.

Something was still niggling Aaron but he pushed it aside. Spencer was pressed against him, arms around his body, kissing his neck. All thoughts vacated Aaron’s mind but one. Suddenly, he could think of nothing else. All he wanted was to be naked on the bed with his lover in his arms.  
Aaron resumed his task of unbuttoning Spencer’s shirt and the younger man let him. Spencer followed suit, removing Aaron’s tie and working the buttons of his shirt open. The older agent discarded his shirt while covering Spencer’s neck and chest in soft, gentle kisses.  
He lifted Spencer off the floor and deposited him on the bed. Their eyes met and Aaron climbed on top of him. Spencer immediately lay back, wrapping his arms around Aaron and pulling him down for a deep, lingering kiss. 

The older agent’s body was beginning to tingle with anxious need. He broke the kiss and pulled away. Aaron kicked off his shoes then removed his belt. These items were tossed aside quickly so he could focus on his primary target, Spencer.  
He ran his hand down the younger man’s chest then continued down his leg, stopping at his feet. Aaron quickly unlaced Spencer’s shoes and pulled them off, letting them drop to the floor. He smiled when he saw the mismatched socks his lover always wore then slowly removed them. Aaron then moved back up Spencer’s body and gently brushed his hand against his lover’s cheek, staring down into his wide eyes.

“Thank you” Aaron whispered.  
“For what?” Spencer asked.  
“Jack” he replied before kissing his neck. “Seeing him, even just for a moment, it means the world to me”  
“I wanted to do something nice for you”  
“Everything you do for me is nice, Spencer”

Aaron nipped the younger man’s neck before sliding his hand inside Spencer’s jeans. It had been a long day and a busy week so he didn’t have the energy for a complete seduction of the younger man. He barely had more in him than what it would take for a lengthy hand job but, once again, he knew something was wrong with Spencer. His actions were having no physical effect on the younger man’s body.

“Spencer?” Aaron whispered.  
“I’m sorry” Spencer replied, averting his eyes.  
He immediately reached down and removed Aaron’s hand. Without another word, he rolled onto his stomach, his back to Aaron. He blinked back tears, hoping and praying his love wouldn’t notice them.

“Spencer?” Aaron tried again. “What’s wrong?”  
The younger man could hear the concern and disappointment in his lover’s voice which made him feel even worse. A small sob passed his lips and he froze.  
“Spencer” Aaron whispered. His voice was strained. He’d never seen the younger agent like this before. He sat up and looked down at his lover. “What is it? Please? Talk to me”  
“I can’t” Spencer whispered.  
Aaron reached out and placed his hand on Spencer’s cheek. He gently coaxed the younger man to turn and look up at him. Once Spencer’s eyes met his, Aaron wiped his tears away. Then he softly stroked his cheek. 

“It’s okay” Aaron whispered. “I promise, everything’s okay”  
“No, it’s not” Spencer replied as he slowly sat up. “JJ’s leaving us… Leaving our family… How can they do this to us? How can they just take her away like that?”  
The older agent sighed then reached out and took hold of Spencer’s hand.  
“I’m sorry” he began. “I should have known how much this would affect you. I should have known how upset you were… And you shouldn’t have tried to hide it from me”  
“I know” Spencer replied. “I’m sorry, Ho-… Aaron”

Aaron raised his other hand and slid it behind Spencer’s neck. He held the younger man’s gaze for the longest time.  
“I swear, I’m going to do everything I can to get her back” he insisted.  
“She’s the closest thing I’ve ever had to a best friend” Spencer admitted.  
“JJ loves you, Spencer. It wasn’t her choice to leave us… She’d never willingly turn her back on us. And, until I can find a way to bring her home, you’ll still see her… All the time… She’ll want to see you and she’ll want you to see Henry”

Spencer blinked back fresh tears.  
“I’m sorry I’m not in the mood for-” he began.  
“Don’t be” Aaron cut him off. “Though, I’m kind of relieved that the reason you weren’t… Responding to me was because you were thinking of JJ”  
“Please, don’t ever tell her that!” Spencer’s cheeks flushed bright red.  
“Have I ever told you how beautiful you look when you’re embarrassed?”  
Spencer shook his head. “I’m not beau-”  
“In my eyes you are” Aaron insisted. “And I’m going to keep telling you that over and over until you start to believe me” 

Spencer moved forward and wrapped his arms around Aaron. The older agent smiled and returned the gesture. It had been a long, trying day for both of them. He was cursing himself for not trying harder to make sure Spencer had been okay… But the younger man was very good at hiding his emotions.  
Aaron slid his hand into Spencer’s soft hair. He still wasn’t used to his lover’s locks being so short; he’d always loved the feeling of Spencer’s soft, wavy hair against his fingers. They separated long enough for their lips to meet.

“Try to get some sleep tonight” Aaron said. “Maybe things will look better in the morning”  
“It’s going to take more than a good nights’ sleep to make things better” Spencer admitted.  
“I know, Spencer”

The younger man pulled away and climbed off the bed. He removed his pants and tossed them over the chair, intending to wear them again the following day. He then returned to the bed and climbed under the covers. Aaron followed suit, standing up long enough to shed his remaining clothes. He then joined his lover in bed, turning the light off before settling down.  
Spencer instantly moved towards Aaron. He felt the older man’s arms slid around his body and smiled. He was relieved his lover wasn’t mad at him but he felt bad for not giving Aaron what he wanted.

“Aaron?” Spencer whispered through the darkness.  
“Mmmm?” Aaron replied, already half asleep.  
“I love you”  
He felt Aaron’s body tense for a brief second before relaxing. In all the time they’d been together, this was only the third time Spencer had said those three small words to him. Three tiny words that held so much meaning, so much trust, so much… Love.  
Aaron leaned forward.  
“I know” he whispered in Spencer’s ear before gently kissing his neck. He felt Spencer reaching for his hand and quickly entwined their fingers. “I love you too”  
“I know” Spencer replied.

“I’m going to miss her so much” Spencer stated. “I liked not having to hide this from her”  
“We could always tell someone else” Aaron suggested.  
“Like who? Morgan?”  
“Emily”  
“JJ was the only one I ever wanted to tell”  
“I’ll never forget the day she found out about us” Aaron admitted. “Do you know what she said to me afterwards?”  
“No”  
“That she’d never seen you smile like that before”  
“Well, what did she expect? You were under your desk, sucking me off while I completed a crossword puzzle… Which I did, successfully I might add”  
“You were proud of your accomplishment and rightly so”  
“And she said I was happy?”  
“That she’d never seen you so happy before… And she made me swear I would never break your heart”  
“And you did it? Swear, I mean?”  
“Of course I did. It was the easiest promise I’ve ever had to make… I never want to lose you, Spencer”  
“You won’t” he replied, reassuringly squeezing his lover’s hand. “You’re stuck with me now”  
“I hope so”  
“You know so”

Spencer turned his head and sought Aaron’s lips for a goodnight kiss. Yes, it had been an awful day for the team. Losing one of their own was never a good thing but Reid believed Hotch when he said he would do everything he could to get JJ back.  
In the meantime, there was nothing else he could do but take comfort in the arms of the man he loved and who loved him in return.


End file.
